Today, in celebration of reaching some big milestones in my life, I’m unlocking my most popular paid newsletter for ALL subscribers. The question of whether or not we will ever be a success is a big one that weighs on artists. I hope my thoughts on that topic resonate with you! As always, let me know what you think in the comments. And a special thank you to my paid subscribers: your subscriptions are helping me succeed in reaching my goals and I could not be more grateful for your support. ❤️❤️❤️
Two years into my traditional publishing career, I cancelled my book contract. It wasn’t something I’d planned to do. I was thrilled to land a two book deal. It was the dream! A chance to see two books on the shelf with my name on them. My debut was a hard road to travel, but I made it through the revisions and when the book came out, Counting Thyme was so well received I felt the pain had been worth it. My second book was a different story. I knew the first draft was terrible. It was a frankenbook. I turned it in merely to start somewhere, but when my edit letter arrived, it was clear that my editor and I just weren’t a fit for this kind of ground up development. I couldn’t bear the idea of staying to see it through. My whole body basically quit on me, and that’s when I realized that I had to walk away. It was me or the book, and I chose me.
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There is nothing that prepares you for walking away from a book deal. It’s unfathomable to most people, and for good reason. It is incredibly difficult to sell a book to a traditional publisher, much less at auction for a great deal. In the days following my decision to walk away, I think I called every single writer I knew (mainly from my 2016 debut class) and talked it out, over an over, trying to make sense of something that did not make sense.
It’s everyone’s dream to get a book deal like that. It’s pretty much what most people think of when they define success: I want to publish a book. And yet…there is so much more to the process that it’s just not that simple. Bringing a book into the world is a collaborative process, but it’s also a business deal. I had written my debut under very little pressure. The only people who knew about it were my critique partners. I didn’t tell a soul until someone tagged me in a twitter contest and I foolishly pitched the half-revised manuscript, which garnered enough interest from agents to make me panic. I quickly revised, signed, and eventually sold the book, and I was thrilled!
This is success, I thought.
It turns out, I was wrong. At least for me. I don’t care how much money I’m being paid or how revered my publisher is, I need to be happy to create good art. If I can’t find a positive mindset, I struggle so much to reach a state of flow that my anxiety spirals out of control and I can’t sleep at night. Add insomnia to fairly aggressive deadlines, and you have a recipe for a nervous breakdown. There is a point at which you realize that if you continue to work the way you are working, you might not survive it.
I reached that point after my debut came out and I ended up in my general practitioner’s office, sobbing hysterically and unable to control my body or my mind. He diagnosed me with generalized anxiety and said we needed to fix my circadian rhythm so I could get back to being a healthy human. The second book would have to wait. I put my draft on the back burner while I tried to rest, but it was hard to take the time for myself when I knew my publisher was waiting on that second book. Eventually, I pushed through the pain and managed to complete a draft I was not proud of but was so grateful to complete. Then I sent it off, blissfully unaware that I would walk away from that book seven months later, never to return.
For a while after I canceled the contract, I felt like a failure. Nobody walks away from a book deal. It’s just not something you do. And yet, I did it. And I don’t regret it. Yes, it was terrifying to return my advance and embrace financial insecurity, but in choosing me, I also found the creative direction I had been lacking. Not long after parting ways with my first publisher, I sold a new book for substantially more to a different publisher. It turned out all I needed was to believe in myself a little more, and I was able to thrive. Yes, I want financial reward for my art, but more than that, I want to do my very best work because that is what fulfills my creative soul, and I can’t do that in the wrong conditions. If I settle for short-term money under terrible conditions, I won’t be able to finish the damn book in the first place, so there is no point in sticking with a deal like that even if it’s what everyone else expects.
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Success isn’t defined by what other people think. You get to define success for yourself. So many creatives are tortured by the feeling like they are not succeeding. You’re not good enough, or big enough, or special enough. When you feel like you’re not enough, it’s usually because you’re comparing yourself to other people. If you define success by what other people are doing, there will always be someone who’s selling more, doing more, or making more than you. What you do will never be enough. But if you’re honest with yourself, you might not even want those things. If you had what they have, you might hate it. You might want something totally different.
And yet, scarcity mindset encourages us to take whatever we’re offered, whether it fits our true desires or not. Scarcity mindset is what happens when we perceive scarce resources, such as believing that there are so few book deals available that we should take whatever offer we are given. When humans focus on one area of perceived scarcity, we become so obsessed with meeting our short-term goals that we fail to plan for the long term. This leads to choices that don’t actually reflect our needs. They’re choices made in panic, in fear, in doubt. They are choices we often regret.
Instead of giving into our fears of scarcity, it’s much more productive to trust that there is room for everyone’s art, because there is. There are markets for everyone. There are billions of people in the world. You can find 1,000 who will be into YOU. Don’t worry about whether or not there is a place for you. Worry about what you have to say. Worry about what matters to you. Worry about aligning your art with your deepest values and ideas. Worry about connecting so deeply with yourself that your unique perspective shines through. Worry about being the most distinct version of yourself that you can be, and your uniqueness will create a space for you.
Stop using other people as your measure of success. You’re never going to BE other people. You are YOU. Think deeply about your dreams, goals, and priorities and define what success looks like for YOU. Do you want sales? Do you want money? Do you want notoriety? Do you want to change lives? Do you want to take joy in your process? Do you want to build community? Do you want to be a leader?
Identify the aspects of your work that fulfill your needs. Define success in those terms, and you have a clear path forward.
Panic leads to a scarcity mindset. Protect your peace. Can you identify how a scarcity mindset might be holding you back in your art? How can you foster a mindset of abundance and possibility? As always, I’d love to hear in the comments!
If you enjoy this post, please share it with friends! Or feel free to click the ❤️ button so more people can discover Mel’s Notebook on Substack. Thank you!!! 🙏
I really like this piece. I probably wouldn’t be in your typical ‘catchment’ audience, but after reading the ‘sensical’ and ‘scientifically’ pure brilliance in your post. I want to join your following fandom family for more.
I thank you! D.Mac
Thank you for this piece, Mel, and your vulnerability in sharing it. I hadn’t yet considered how much scarcity mindset affects my business decisions as an author. But now that you’ve brought it up, I can’t unsee it. 💗