Let it be messy
Uncertainty is an opportunity
My life is a mess. I’m in the middle of a divorce. I’m scraping by, barely managing to pay my bills. I cry a lot. It’s easy to feel ashamed of the mess, because I’m a grownup and I’m supposed to have my sh*t together, or at least that’s what society says, but I’m starting think that having it together is not only a lie, it’s not even the right goal.
A few months ago, I started attending Al-anon meetings. In my very first meeting, the group talked about one of their core tenets, which is acceptance. Acceptance of other people’s limitations. Acceptance of your own limitations. The radical thing about accepting people exactly as they are is that it removes the conflict. You’re no longer trying to get them to change. You’re at peace. You accept the way things are.
Which makes me wonder if I should just accept being messy. Perhaps in trying so desperately not to be messy, I’ve been setting myself up for constant pain and disappointment, because really, when is life not messy? This goes for projects, too. Is this project really a mess or is it just turning out differently than what I expected it to be? Maybe my art is just as unpredictable and wild and alive as I am.
